I have been computerless for the last two weeks, and in that time there was an anniversary that brought tears. It was the anniversary of what would become the second to last time I would see Amy. October 19, 2008, the bowling for Amy benefit for her family. That would be the first time Amy said “I love you.” to me. And in that moment I was so overjoyed I did not say it back. I felt it, but, I did not say it. And oh how I regret that. Now I know Amy knew I loved her, I know this, because I had said it on her caringbridge page, but, I wish I had spoken the words.
And yesterday when I bought the new computer and was setting it up. I realized something, there is no “Mrs. Taylor” folder with pictures, and then again when I got online, my favorites folder did not have the icon for her non existent caringbridge page or the page for the pictures from the last benefit. And while I am far enough in my grief journey to not make them so they can be in the folder, it still hurts and was another reminder that she is gone.
Grief can’t be shared. Everyone carries it alone, his
own burden, his own way.
– Anne Morrow Lindbergh
