A window to my heart

The way things are is not always good.  Right now I don’t know how I feel.  I go between feeling at peace and being furious. 
Divorce is a crazy thing.  My brother and his wife are going through it right now, but, it is not just them their 5 kids are going through it too.  It has gone from a promise on both sides to stay amicable for the kids, to my sister in law being downright nasty.  This is why I am so confused, I love her to pieces, but, she is lying to the kids about my brother, and bad mouthing him in front of me.  I understand she is frustrated, but come on, grow up.  She knows how much I worship my brother and the ground he walks on.  It hurts to hear her say those things around me. 
I am not saying he has been a perfect husband, he has his flaws, but he has not done anything to deserve being bad mouthed like this.  All he is doing is trying to make sure his kids are being taken care of and loved. 

The 4th of July has always been one of my favorite holidays.  It is not hard to sit back at a picnic and think back to what was going on, on that very single day in 1776.  All the men gathered in a hidden place declaring our freedom.  A declaration that would lead the country into war to fight for our freedom.  Quite a bit has changed since that day.  I can’t help but wonder what the founding fathers would think of the advancements since then.   I also can’t help but wonder what they would think of the state of our country today.  Is this the government they were fighting for?  I doubt it.  We have gone from George Washington to Abraham Lincoln to Franklin Roosevelt to John Kennedy to our current president, George Bush, to just name a few of the well known ones.  Washington led the army that fought the British, he won the freedom for our country.  Lincoln kept our country together during a very liekly time that we could have become two countries.  Roosevelt led our country into WW2 following Pearl Harbor.  Kennedy pushed for civil rights for all Americans and Bush has led our country during a difficult time following a horrible attack on 9/11.
When I sit back and think about this country’s history I can’t help but, be happy that I am an American.  I live in a country that has fought for her freedom, a country that many people want to come to.  I don’t agree with things that our government does, but that is the beauty of it.  I can be unhappy with the government, I can come to my blog here and write about it.  I feel so blessed. 

Dear God:
Please don’t take Mrs. Taylor yet.  Please let me see her at least one more time.  I need to hear her voice again, I need to feel her arms wrapped around me in a hug.  I need tell her in person I finally graduated from college.  I need her.  I know you have a plan, and I am not going to bargain with you.  But, I am begging, and asking, that is all I can do.  I am also asking that you help me accept your plan.  You have your plan, sometimes hard to understand.  I know in my mind it will work out for the best, but my heart is not there yet.  I know that I should accept what is being put before me, but my heart is angry with what has been put there.  I just want her not to suffer, I want her children and her husband not to suffer.  It breaks my heart that she has 2 young children that are having to deal with a sick mommy, who knows that she may not be around for milestones that are not that far away.  I can’t imagine that pain.  Please, Lord, help me.  I need you.

Love,
Elizabeth